


my heart's night

by pollitt



Category: Penny Dreadful (TV)
Genre: M/M, Pre-Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-04
Updated: 2016-06-04
Packaged: 2018-07-11 22:37:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7073317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pollitt/pseuds/pollitt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>"My father enlisted me in the army. Wanted to make a man of me. But I could've refused. I could've deserted."</i><br/><i>"Well, why didn't you?"</i><br/><i>"I wanted to make him proud.</i>"  - "This World is Our Hell" (ep 3.05)</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ethan will never know why he didn’t listen when Noah said they should’ve locked the door.</p>
            </blockquote>





	my heart's night

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to kitestringer for feeding the muses and the long conversations about all things _Penny Dreadful_. And to kite and Maverick for the beta and encouragement.
> 
> Title taken from the Tennyson poem "Love and Sorrow."

Ethan will never know why he didn’t listen when Noah said they should’ve locked the door. 

Youthful arrogance was part of it, believing they would never get caught, that their plan was so flawless. Ethan knew the schedule of every possible person who could spy them -- from his little sister to the cook to each and every hand that was on the property. He knew just the time of the evening that would be the quietest, and how Noah could sneak onto the property without being seen. They had even walked the path together during the week, Ethan showing him where to hide and how to signal his arrival.

But blinding him to any fear of discovery, what kept Ethan from heeding Noah’s warning, was a need so strong that it made thought impossible. 

“You sure?” Noah had asked in a whisper, following Ethan into the stables. 

Ethan will remember until his end days how he’d turned and looked at Noah bathed in the moonlight as he stood in the open doorway. He shook his head. 

“You know that old latch makes too much of a racket. No one will find us,” he’d promised, reaching out his hand for his friend to take. 

And for an hour, Ethan’s words were true. 

In the safety of the stables, they were alone to do what they’d never dared to do before. Noah cupped his hands around Ethan’s jaw and leaned into an kissed him. And Ethan kissed him back. They kissed again and again until their mouths were raw from the first hints of beard and they had to break to catch their breath, their foreheads pressed together. 

“More?” Noah asked, skimming his hands over Ethan’s side, his eyes watching intently as though Ethan were an unbroken horse easily spooked. 

Ethan nodded his agreement.

Noah’s skin tasted of soap. Ethan teased him as he pulled Noah’s collar to the side to lick a stripe in the curve of Noah’s neck and shoulder, but his chest felt tight at the notion Noah had bathed for him. For this. And when Noah touched him through his trousers, Ethan bit back tears that burned at his eyes, and he pulled Noah’s face toward him and into a kiss. 

The blanket Ethan had hidden away earlier in the day was still where he’d left it. They spread it in an unused corner of the stable and followed one another down onto it. They fumbled their way through buttons and folds of clothes, pulling and tugging until their shirts were off and their pants were open and they could reach out and touch one another, explore one another’s angles and curves, and discover the sounds they made when they found release. 

Ethan was stroking Noah’s hair, feeling words pushing at his throat, when the click of a gun’s hammer drew their attention.

“If you value your life, Mr. Chaney, you will extract yourself from my son and leave and never return.” Jared Talbot’s voice seemed to echo through the stable. For several long moments, there was no sound. As if anything that drew breath had stopped and waited for what would come next. Ethan’s arms drew Noah closer. Noah shifted to cover more of Ethan’s body with his own. Jared Talbot moved into view, the light of the moon illuminating him from behind, making his already large frame appear even bigger. “If I see you on my land, if I hear you’ve been within shouting distance of my son, I will have you shot.” 

Noah turned from Ethan’s father and looked up at Ethan. Ethan could see there was fight in his eyes. For the space of a heartbeat, he thought of nodding, to lead or follow Noah into the path of his father’s gun, into his wrath. But that was a path of blood. A path he could not let his friend travel down. And so he shook his head and whispered, “go,” the rest of the words left unspoken. 

“Don’t regret a moment,” Noah answered, a promise and an entreaty. 

Ethan let his hand linger as long as he could as Noah stood and walked past Jared, half of his clothing left piled on the blanket next to Ethan.

When the sound of Noah’s steps couldn’t be heard any longer, Ethan stood, tucking himself back into his trousers. 

His father looked at him, holstering his gun. “Tomorrow morning I will be contacting the war office. You will become an enlisted man. You will follow orders and will not bring shame to our family. If you do, you will do what is right and put yourself to an end.”

Ethan clenched his fists, his nails biting into the meat of his palms.

“Do you understand?” His father asked.

Ethan nodded. 

“Good. We will never speak of this night again.”

Jared Talbot turned and walked away. Ethan collected the discarded clothing and followed, stopping in the doorway to look up at the full, pale face of the moon.


End file.
